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    城與人生(修改版)

    夕陽在城市的樓群里漸漸沉落,一抹血紅的余暉染在病房的窗子上。這間病房在住院樓的二十多層,有兩張床位,姥姥的病床在最里面。站在窗前可以遠眺到高低起伏的樓群與縱橫交錯的街道。

    那是姥姥住院的第一天,我請假到醫院探望她。舅舅日夜照顧姥姥目不交睫,眼睛上布滿了鮮紅的血絲,滿臉疲憊的神色。我來了之后,他叮囑我替他照看一下姥姥,藥水滴完了我要及時按病床前的呼叫按鈕,便會有護士來換水。他說完坐在椅子上身體斜倚著墻壁。他太累了,身心仿佛一下子被疲勞與睡意徹底擊潰。他歪著頭、合上眼睛呼呼睡了起來。

    城與人生(修改版)

    我靜坐在病床邊凝視著鐵架上的吊瓶,滴答滴答的輸液聲好像融合著時間流逝的聲音在房間里回響。我看到吊瓶里面的藥水逐漸減少,將要露出瓶底的時候我慌忙按了一下病床前的按鈕。護士換水之后,我的目光猶如一只白鴿安靜地棲落在姥姥身上。

    姥姥已經八十七歲了,她靜靜地躺在病床上。她頭發稀疏而皤然,在腦后梳成一個短短的發髻。她的臉龐瘦削枯槁,一道道深深的皺紋在夕陽下仿佛是一條條枯竭干裂的長河橫在額頭上。

    姥姥住院的第二天要去做一項檢查。醫生說那項檢查的儀器是從德國進口的,全省唯此一臺,因此檢查費用昂貴。我去廁所的時候聽到舅舅在盥洗室里打電話,能夠清晰地聽到他向一位親戚借錢。那時候我大學剛剛畢業,在一家房地產公司實習,每個月的工資日常花銷之后便所剩無幾。我很想幫助舅舅,卻無可奈何,內心便被愧疚纏繞著。

    那天上午舅舅從外面跑了回來,他滿頭大汗,臉上綻露笑容。我猜想他準是借到了親戚的錢,剛從銀行自助取款機里取回現金。他慌慌忙忙地說要帶姥姥去另一棟樓做檢查,于是我們把姥姥攙扶到輪椅上。我和舅舅推著她進了電梯。檢查室門前排著隊,前面有五六個病人。我們靜靜地等候著。

    我聽到一個病人的家屬坐在走廊的長椅上議論說:“這項檢查短短幾分鐘就花七千五百元,太貴了。唉,遺憾的是它還不在醫保范圍。”我聽后一陣驚訝,心想這項檢查費用對富人來說微不足道,可是對我來說是五個月的收入,對身為農民的舅舅來說更是一筆巨款。他需要賣多少斤麥子與玉米啊!

    姥姥靜靜地坐在輪椅上,她閉著眼睛似睡非睡。她年紀大了,變得眼花耳聾,根本聽不見人們說些什么。輪到姥姥了,我們幫她穿上塑料鞋套,然后把她推進檢查室。我和舅舅站在門口。舅舅叮囑我說千萬別給姥姥說起這項檢查的費用,他擔心她知道后拒絕治療,破罐破摔。我微微點了點頭,內心五味雜陳。

    舅舅望著我說:“你姥姥已經八十七歲,我也已經六十多歲了,可我總覺得在她面前我還是個毛孩子。當我從田里干完農活兒回家的時候,她坐在門口的凳子上也好,躺在床上也好。我喊一聲:‘媽,我回來了!’只要能聽到她的回答我心里就踏實。我只希望她健健康康的,多活些日子。”他說完,眼睛紅紅的,眼神里淤積著憂郁與疲憊。

    我說:“舅舅,姥姥的身體一直很硬朗,出了院她還會恢復健康的。姥姥一定會好的,一定會好的!”

    舅舅繃著臉點點頭,眼淚吧嗒吧嗒的往下掉落。我明明知道姥姥康復的希望十分渺茫,卻在不停地安慰自己和舅舅。大概十分鐘之后,檢查室的門開了。我們馬上進去攙扶姥姥,把她扶上輪椅。到下午三四點鐘的時候檢查結果出來了。舅舅與我都盯著確診單既悲哀又恐惶——姥姥被確診患了肺癌晚期!醫生說姥姥年齡太老了,不宜做手術治療,最好的辦法就是用藥物保守治療來延長生命。

    舅舅拿著診斷單去詢問另一位醫生,希望有更好的治療方法。不久,他從醫生的辦公室走出來,只見他步履赼趄,滿臉哀愁。

    姥姥對病情的診斷結果渾然不知。她心疼我們晝夜照顧她,嘟囔說:“我已經活了將近九十歲,比我的父母、兄弟和姐妹活得都長。我活得很知足,我活夠了!我不想再呆在醫院看病,我要回家,我要回家!”她在病床上吵著回家,不斷用手捶打著病床,她突然間像是一個小孩子。

    舅舅嘆了一口氣,說明天帶她回去在家中治療。姥姥聽后十分高興。她安靜了下來,顫顫巍巍坐在床上,遠望著窗外的夕陽。

    我想象不到在姥姥昏花的視野里夕陽到底是什么樣子,也許和幾十年前的一模一樣,也許如今的夕陽比從前的絢爛多彩。我靜佇在她身旁凝視著她。只見她滿頭銀發,臉龐上一道道的皺紋像是深深的溝壑,刻滿了歲月滄桑。她的目光黯淡而渾濁,卻蓄滿了慈祥與恬靜。她靜坐在病床前斜望著窗外的夕陽,漫不經心地問我窗前可以望到什么。

    我走到窗前,城市的樓群像是層巒疊嶂似的向著天際連綿起伏。我俯身在她的耳邊說:“姥姥,窗外可以望到很多樓房,很多街道,很多樹木,還有很多人和汽車。這座城市很大,一眼望不到盡頭,住著幾百萬人。”她聽后輕輕嘆息一聲,低聲說:“六十多年前我二十多歲的時候在這里生活,當時你姥爺在這里工作。我們住在城西碧沙崗公園附近。那時候這座城市很小,只有幾條很短的街道。房屋也很少,人也不多。街上還有很多拉黃包車的,很少見到汽車……我經常帶著你舅舅到碧沙崗公園溜達。那時候你舅舅剛學會走路,還是個小毛孩兒。后來黃河發起洪水,我和你姥爺帶著你舅舅回了老家,這一回幾十年再沒來過這里……唉,明天咱們就要回家了,恐怕我這輩子再也沒有機會來這座城市了。”

    姥姥的一番話深深震撼了我,讓我陷入沉思。一個人從二十多歲風華正茂的年紀,走了六十多年,成為一位老態龍鐘的老人,即將走到人生的盡頭;一座城市從只有幾條短街的雛形,經過六十多個春秋,變成一個街道縱橫、人煙浩繁的大都市。這其中有多少眼淚,有多少微笑,又有多少故事!

    次日下午我和舅舅一起下樓辦完出院手續,剛到病房就看到姥姥已經脫掉了病服。她將病服拋擲在床頭,顫顫巍巍地坐在床沿上,正彎著腰下床穿鞋子。舅舅慌忙去幫她穿上鞋子。他又簡單收拾了一下東西,讓我提著一個裝著雜物的袋子。他背著姥姥下了樓。我們離開了醫院,姥姥高興得像個孩子。

    姥姥離開醫院到家后一直臥病在床。舅舅每天在床邊端茶倒水、送湯送藥。夏天他湊錢到縣城買回一臺空調安裝到姥姥的房間,冬天每晚給姥姥的床上放上一個熱水袋暖腳。三年之后,姥姥去世了。醫生說姥姥在肺癌晚期的病例里,算是延長生命比較長的。人們都說舅舅的精心伺候起了很大的作用。

    我經常想起姥姥在病房里看夕陽的情景,想起她說六十多年前時常帶著舅舅去碧沙崗公園溜達的往事。

    在姥姥去世后的一個周末,我獨自到碧沙崗公園去散步。那時正是初春時節,玉蘭花開得爛漫,碧桃開得濃艷,櫻花開得恣肆。我坐在一棵老樹下,望著它粗壯彎曲的枝干,望著它吐芽兒的枝梢,心想六十多年前姥姥到這里游玩的時候它很可能也站在這里。在漫長的時光里,人有腳,想走就走,來去自由,因此輾轉到了天南海北;樹無腳有根,安守著一方天地。當我們都離開這座城市的時候,樹木依然呆在原地。城市,像個公共旅館接納著我們。我們在城市里不定期地借住。與城市相比,我們的人生太短暫,我們的血肉與骨骼遠沒有城市的鋼筋與石材堅硬。我們的人生短暫而脆弱,如同一支白水晶雕成的花。

    我凝望著遠處的樓群,心想六十年后,我假如還活著,也到了耄耋之年。我的人生將會怎么樣呢?而這座城市又將會有怎么樣的命運?我難以預測,最終讓時間給我們答案。

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